I’m gonna let you inside my mind for a second. I couldn’t find a picture taken recently to perfectly capture this theme. The ideal would be a picture with a group of my friends and I, with everyone looking perfect except for me, just chillin’ with a derpy face. BUT, I realized that I had deleted all those pictures off my phone.
Which totally supports the reason why I need to write this post.
I recently bumped into another girl that graduated with me from High School. I don’t remember ever having a conversation with her at school, but we both recognized each other and I asked her about what she has been up to.
“So . . . I went to college first semester and realized that the college life wasn’t for me. I instead pursued my life-long dream of yoga, moved to Tailand to learn, and now I network with people from all around the world to do classes and retreats. I’m going to Costa Rica in a couple of weeks, and soon to Africa.”
My jaw dropped.
This girl is just as old as me, yet has the perfect body and, seemingly, the perfect life. Why can’t I have a life like that?
We ask people what their life plans are, how they’re doing, and what they’re up to. And we decide to share only the good parts. I do that as well: “my name is Rebecca. I went to the Dominican Republic for a year after High School, served in Spain for a month, and am now going to Houghton College to eventually pursue more ministry.” Sounds good, right?
What I don’t tend to share is my struggle just to get up in the mornings, my recent lack in conviction from the Lord, and my overall depression regarding life in general.
But when I share, I share the good things that the Lord does in my life and the ways that He provides me opportunities to give Truth to people. And my friend told me last night, “you always have these cool expriences where the Lord uses you.”
My response? The Lord uses me in spite of me, not because I am easy to be used for His Kingdom. The days I tend to see the most spiritual fruit are the days when I’m exhausted, grumpy, not wanting to do anything, and feeling down on life and my purpose in it. I think God does that because of my tendency to be prideful in everything I do.
Note to self: it’s not about me.
We are such messes. I am such a mess. This past week, I have been catching up with friends, doing last-minute appointments, and packing, packing, packing. I realize that this new experience of college is just around the corner, but I’m not as overjoyed as everyone thinks I should be. I’m excited for the opportunity to learn and the new experience in general, but if it were up to me, I’d be going back to the DR.
This post is a reminder to everyone that you’re not alone when you struggle. I realize that everyone has hardships and difficulties in their life, and that people aren’t exactly where they may want to be. What I keep reminding of myself, and what I hope that y’all get out of this post is this: God can teach us new things no matter where we are, and he can use us wherever we are for His glory.
So, instead of making the head picture of this post one that reminds me that I’m just as messed up as everyone else, I instead used a picture reminding me of God being unchanging in spite of the messes I make. This simple tattoo reminds myself of just that. No matter where my feet may take me and no matter how much I mess up in life, the Lord is ALWAYS with me and will never leave me: a permanent reminder of our faithful God.